The following is my manuscript for a message I shared with the M.O.P.S. group that my wife co-led while we served at St. Paul's EP Church in Somerset, PA. It was geared towards the moms who share the burden of high Christmas expectations. But I think there is something in here that we might all benefit from. It might be time to lower our expectations just a bit.
Christmas Expectations...By Jay Higham
It’s a real honor to be here with you all this morning. I know how much M.O.P.S. has blessed Amy, so this is a true privilege for me.
This morning I want to talk about Christmas Expectations.
A couple of Sundays ago I came home from church to find Amy, struggling with all five kids, trying to take this year’s Christmas picture. Amy had picked out matching sweaters, had everyone dressed and ready, but of course, the kids were not cooperating.
#1 was fussing because he had to sit near #2. #5 wanted to sit with #2. And 3 & 4 were just giddy laughing at each other. I walked in to find Amy, pleading with the everyone, trying to get this picture, but it just wasn’t working.
So I come in, and being the fixer I am, I start barking out commands to the kids, attempting to get them to sit still and cooperate for the photo. But I wasn’t helping like I thought I was. In fact I remember making a statement that the whole process was a waste of time, it wasn’t going to happen, it really wasn’t that important.
Well that didn’t help anything. In fact Amy left the living room in tears because while I thought this was all a waste of time, to Amy, this was important, it wasn’t a waste of time, and it needed to happen. This was suppose to be the perfect Christmas picture.
I think we all have Christmas Expectations. Whether it’s the perfect Christmas picture with matching sweaters and smiling faces, or the perfect excursion to find the perfect tree. Maybe it’s the perfect Christmas Eve service with everyone dressed and ready, (and not falling down the stairs, arriving late, and finding no room in the inn).
As moms, you have expectations that propel your Christmas preparations. And while some expectations can be good, its the expectations that crush our hearts when they aren’t fulfilled that cause the most pain and frustration at Christmas.
This whole idea of Christmas Expectations got me thinking about the nativity. I wondered what expectations Mary might of had as she thought about what her first “Christmas” would look like.
Think about this with me. Place yourselves in the sandals of Mary, the soon to be new mom. What might you be expecting?
- Mary was still a young teenager. While it was customary for girls to be pledged and wed while in their young teens, perhaps Mary was expecting a little more time with her friends. Time to enjoy her youth, to frolic, and play, delaying the responsibilities that would come with adult life.
- We know that Mary was pledged to be married to a young carpenter named Joseph. Perhaps she was expecting the traditional wedding and celebration. Gifts, time with friends and family, all the proper and customary experience a future bride would be looking forward to.
- The honeymoon is time in which the bride and groom seclude themselves for a time of private intimacy. It’s a time to get to know each other in ways that courting/dating doesn’t allow for. Perhaps Mary was expecting time to get to know her new husband, who he was, and what the marriage would look like.
To Be Near Mom...
- There is a special relationship that develops between some women and their mothers in those early years of marriage as they seek advice as young wives. Things like cooking and favorite recipes, pregnancy questions, birthing practices, child rearing, and counseling as they try to figure out how to live with a guy. Perhaps Mary was expecting to be near her mom during those early months of her new relationship with Joseph and as she carried and gave birth to her quickly coming son.
Care, Support, and Help...
- We have hospitals, doctors, nurse, mid-wives, family, and support networks that surround us as we prepare to welcome a new life into the world. Perhaps Mary expected the advice of her mom, the wisdom of a mid-wife, a familiar and comfortable setting, and the support of other women.
To Live a Normal Life...
- We all want to enjoy life and the little pleasures, joys, successes, and adventures that we have along the ways. Perhaps Mary expected a quite life in a friendly community with family and friends near by. Perhaps she looked forward to visits from guests, raising a family in the traditional way, fulfilling her place as a Jewish woman in the society.
They were expecting a conqueror, one who would overthrow the oppression of Rome. They expected mighty leader ready to rebuild the great nation that Israel once was.
The problem with all of this is, the birth of the Messiah wasn’t as anyone had expected. The future Redeemer of God’s people was to be a king. A king; the likes of ing David, the greatest king of Israel. They were expecting a conqueror, one who would overthrow the oppression of Rome. They expected mighty leader ready to rebuild the great nation that Israel once was.
And like Mary, and all of Israel, we too have expectations about what Christmas should be like and who Jesus really is. But the truth is, God’s plans for our lives are not what many of us expect.
The Gospel of Luke shares the most detailed look at Christ’s birth. In Chapter 2 of Luke’s narrative we read the birth of our Savior. Take a minute and read Luke 2. [ Click Here - Luke 2 ]
I suspect Mary lived a life she never expected to live. From the stable to the foot of the cross, any dreams or expectations she might have had were let go so that God’s will could be fulfilled through her and her son. And if we know anything about how God operates, it’s that He doesn’t do things the way we expect. In fact, God says, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways.” (Isaiah 55:8)
So with all that said, what expectations do you have for your Christmas celebration. Have you sought out the perfect tree, shopped for the perfect gift, snapped the perfect Family Christmas Photo, or lived the perfect life this past year?
If there is anything I’ve learned, it’s that God isn’t looking for the perfect, but dwells in the imperfect. And the only thing we can truly expect is that God will do the unexpected.
My prayer for you this Christmas is that the expectations we all have about what Christmas SHOULD look like, will painlessly vanish and that we would wake on that humble morning and realize that through a series of unexpected events, the God of Creation redeemed His people in the birth of a little baby, in a stable, in a town called, Bethlehem.
- jay higham
I know you've all heard the phrases, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." "Men are like Waffles, Women are like, Spaghetti." And the list goes on and on.
Phrases like these describe the differences between Men and Women. And there are differences; vast differences. We like the seat down, they leave it up. They can drive for hours, we need to stop every ten minutes. There's no doubt about it, we are different.
But as we think of God's design for marriage, a covenant between one man and one woman, "till death do they part"... we have to ask, "God, why didn't you make us a little more alike, so that maybe, living together might be a little easier." Wouldn't that be nice?
Ever since Adam and Eve found themselves on the other side of Eden, relationships have been plagued with issues, especially in our marriages. This morning, I was asked to come and talk about relationships, and as I prayed about what I might share with you, I felt the Lord leading me to consider a few areas in our husband/wife relationships where we often find difference.
During that first year, we were so eager to learn all we could about each other and our marriage. And to be honest, that learning hasn't stopped. Through moving 8 times, switching jobs, fluctuating incomes, 5 children, and all the highs and lows God has led us through, I have found that there are a few things that must be given special attention, especially as we think about our marriages. So, I thought I'd share with you two things I've learned on my 20 year journey of marriage to my sweet husband.
Ready? It is super important that we wives remember to RESPECT and SATISFY our husbands.
I shared these thoughts earlier this week with a group of women at a M.O.P.S. (Mother's of PreSchoolers) gathering. I want to share them here, now with all of you. Let me invite you to join me over the next couple of days, as I share some thoughts as to why I believe these two topics are so important for the marital relationship. To help share these thoughts, Jay and I have decided to split the two topics up, posting them one at a time. So look for a post on respecting your husband on Wednesday, followed by a post on satisfying your husband on Thursday.
We hope that you will join me this week as we look at ways to love our husbands better!
Amy is an amazing mother of 5, 4 boys and 1 girl. Her passions lie in caring for her family, mentoring young moms, and speaking into the lives of women. She and Jay have been married for 19 years, and have been so blessed to be able to share in ministry to families together. Be sure to follow Amy on her social media channels. [ Click Here ] To inquire about the possibility of Amy speaking to your women or mom's group, contact her through the blogs contact form. And thanks for all your support.
Thanks for taking a few minutes to watch today's Family Vlog! Today we answer the question of how we met and share a little bit about what we did to change our Christmas Gift Giving habits.
Please take a few minute to watch this week's Family Vlog!
What is the Family Vlog?
We want to have a conversation about real life family stuff. Not reality TV. Not watching a family run around their house and go crazy. But an opportunity to talk about real life and real family issues.
Jay and Amy Higham have been married for almost 20 years and are raising 5 kids. Jay is a 24 year youth ministry veteran serving students and their families. Currently, Jay is the youth director at a church in Western PA. Amy is an amazing wife and mom with a huge heart for mothers. Amy has served as a Co-Coordinator and founding steering team member of a local M.O.P.S. group for years. She is currently focusing on raising her kids, writing for TheHighamFamily.com, and speaks and mentors new and young moms!
Hi we're Jay & Amy, and we've been married for 19 years and are super blessed to be busy raising our 5 kids; 4 boys and 1 girl! We juggle the adventures of life and ministry and share what we are learning as it relates to marriage, family, raising kids, serving in the church, and chasing after Jesus. Raising a family is hard work, especially in today's culture. But our hope is to encourage you and your family, as we live for the glory of God.
Thanks for taking the time to read The Higham Family Blog. Each week we try to share new content about something we are learning, something we love, or something to offer encouragement to the family. We love to hear from our readers, so please share your thought in the comment section of each post.